(Caleb, Jodie and Adeline are watching the morning news together.)
Adeline: Know what would be cool? (Weirdly long pause, in which Caleb and Jodie look at her expectantly, eyebrows raised. When it become apparent, Adeline is not going to answer her own question without verbal prompting …)
Adeline: A room full of mattresses. (pause) It would be so comfortable.
Caleb: Actually, they do make rooms like that … they’re called padded rooms.
(It is early morning on a Saturday. Jodie is sitting at the computer, in her usual fashion. Caleb ambles out of their bedroom.)
Caleb (singing): Match in the gas tank … boom boom.
Jodie: Are you living inside What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?
Caleb: I AM Gilbert Grape.
Jodie: All righty then.
(Adeline rushes in from outside after feeding the chickens.)
Adeline: Mom! I named ALL the chickens.
Jodie: How are you going to keep all 20 straight?
Adeline: Well the one with special markings all have special names. All of the white ones are named Todd.
(Xiola walks into Jodie and Caleb’s bedroom where Jodie is folding laundry.)
Xiola: Hey. Our entryway smells funny.
Jodie: What does it smell like?
Xiola: I don’t know. (beat) It just smells funny.
Jodie: Like it smells … bad?
Xiola: No. It smells funny, as in (she throws her head back and laughs maniacally).
(Jodie is so proud of Xiola’s incredible sarcasm that she immediately pulls out a six-foot solid-gold sarcasm trophy from under her bed, and awards Xiola the Award for Most Sarcastic Family Member—one of the highest honors a Morgetron can achieve.)
Mr. and Mrs. Morgetron have been married for 12+ years and can’t imagine what it would feel like if the government or anyone for the matter told them that they weren’t allowed to get married. They are, after all, totally in love. They are, after all, best friends forever, and TRUE LOVES FOREVER!
The reason we’re reblogging this (this is the first thing we’ve ever reblogged) is because it is done in the style of Morgetron Family Theater and it covers a historic moment in human rights history. It represents an issue about which we are passionate. And, it’s a serious issue, but Courtney has made it readable and … funny.
For those of you who don’t want to read the transcript of the oral argument in Hollingsworth v. Perry, which is all of 82 pages long, or whose heads exploded when you tried to read it, I’ve written a helpful summary. It’s available below the jump.
This summary is still fairly long, but it’s shorter and I’ve worked to make things as accessible as possible to those without legal training.
As a result, there are some places where I might have oversimplified the legal argument. My summarizing might be partially colored by my personal viewpoints, but this is basically what happened, plus or minus the aliens eating children.
(Jodie is driving Adeline home from the bank. It is a very hot June day in Nebraska. Jodie begins adjusting one of the vents so that the air will blow on her face. She is sweating profusely.)
Adeline: What are you doing?
Jodie:I’m adjusting this vent so that the air will blow on my face. (beat) I’m boiling alive.
Adeline: MOM! No you’re not! That’s a horrible description. I think if you were boiling alive, you wouldn’t just be calmly adjusting the vent. Boiling alive would be terrible. (dramatic pause, then sadly) Poor lobsters.
(Xiola’s tire is flat. Caleb is using the opportunity to demonstrate to Jodie and Xiola how to change a tire. They are sitting on the sidewalk watching him struggle to jack up the tire.)
Caleb: This is the jack that came with the car. See? This car has a ridge where the jack fits, but some cars don’t. You might just have to find a solid part of the frame and rest it there. Don’t ever put the jack on the edge here because it will just rip the fiber glass or plastic off. Don’t put it on the exhaust system either. Only put it on the frame. If you had a floor jack, it would be easier.
Xiola: How much does a floor jack cost?
Caleb: Like 30 bucks or so.
Xiola: I should probably just buy one.
Jodie: Wait. Do we have one in one of the other cars? We could just take it out and use it on this one.
Jodie: It sounds like something we should have.
Caleb: Yah think?
(He gives her a sideways glance.)
(Caleb makes intense eye contact with Jodie.)
Xiola: What’s going on here?
Jodie: Yeah. Seriously.
Caleb: Well, when we were doing our wedding registry, I put one on the list and you made me take it off.
Jodie: Wha? Huh? I did?
Caleb: You did.
(They lock eyes.)
Jodie: And you’ve been waiting for twelve long years for this moment; haven’t you?
(And because Caleb had indeed been waiting for twelve years for Jodie to realize the value of a floor jack, a golden angel presenting a gem-encrusted floor jack appeared above their heads, glistening, and rotating, while Caleb, Jodie and Xiola look on, amazed. Slowly the angel moves parallel with Jodie’s head. Once above Jodie, the angel drops the gem-encrusted floor jack on Jodie’s head, knocking her out, as a punishment for making Caleb take it off their wedding registry so many years ago.)
(Caleb, Jodie, Xiola, and Adeline are in their fuel-efficient car headed towards home after a day of road-tripping, family-reunioning, and eating at Village Inn. Jodie is driving. Caleb is nearing a food coma and is tilted back extra far in the front of the passenger seat so his head is near Adeline’s lap. Xiola is behind the driver’s seat. Adeline has a doggy-box of French fries from Village Inn.)
Caleb: I don’t feel good. I am too full.
Jodie (wisely and somewhat self-righteously): Did you know that you were too full to eat prior to ordering AND eating that food?
Caleb: Yes. (He moans uncomfortably.)
Xiola: You shouldn’t have eaten those fries.
Caleb: I knowwwww. (He continues moaning, shuts his eyes, and clutches his stomach.)
(Adeline takes the box of fries and shakes them up—for reasons known only to her. Then she opens the box and the odor of fries wafts through the car, particularly into Caleb’s face.)
Caleb: Will you please close that box? Those fries smell! (He moans pitifully.)
(Adeline closes the box and shakes it again.)
Caleb: And, will you please stop shaking that box? You’re ruining those fries! And, I might want to eat them later tonight.
(Jodie swerves onto the shoulder of the road and the car launches into the air soaring above the Platte River as its extreme fuel-efficiency paired with the absurdity of what Caleb just said creates a special force that allows the car to fly the rest of the way home.)