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(Caleb is lying in bed watching Sons of Anarchy on the computer. Jodie walks in to get a sweatshirt out of the closet.)

Caleb: Will you do me a favor?

Jodie: Yes.

Caleb: Will you bring me more crackers?

Jodie: You’re eating crackers. In bed.

Caleb: Yes. I still have more chili and need more crackers.

(He takes a GIANT bite of chili and crackers from a bowl that was obscured by the computer. Jodie disintegrates into a pile of chili powder and blows away.)

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(For context: Jodie is allergic to mangos. 

Jodie, Caleb, Adeline, and Friend K are sitting around a table eating.)

Jodie: I accidentally touched some mango lotion today.

Adeline: Oh no! Why did you do that?

Jodie: It was leaking. I didn’t mean to.

Adeline: Mom!

Jodie: I washed it off right away. I honestly don’t think it has that much mango in it anyway.

Friend K: What’s the big deal?

Caleb: Jodie is allergic to mangoes.

Friend K: Aw darn!

Adeline, Caleb, and Jodie: What?

Friend K: I’ve always wanted to see someone have an allergic reaction!

Jodie: Sorry to disappoint.

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(Jodie and Xiola are working at the kitchen table on a cold winter’s day, when Adeline pops her head in from the sunroom.)

Adeline: Hey. Have you guys ever noticed that Buddy smells like a taco shell?

Jodie and Xiola: Um … er … uh …

Adeline: He does. You should smell him sometime.

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(Jodie is making dinner in the kitchen. In dining room, Caleb checks Craigslist to make sure no one has posted any new trucks or tractors in the five minutes since he last checked it. Adeline toots on a duck call that Xiola gave her for Christmas. This goes on for a solid six minutes before anyone intervenes.)

Caleb: Adeline. I know you just got that for Christmas, but can you please stop?

Adeline: But I’m just calling ducks.

Caleb: I know, but it’s getting annoying.

(Jodie’s head pops off and rolls around the kitchen at the idea that Caleb is putting a stop to something he finds “annoying”.

Adeline continues blowing into the call.)

Caleb: Adeline, I asked you to stop.

Adeline (stops blowing long enough to say): I don’t wanna.

(Caleb walks over and puts his hand out in the universal parenting sign of, “hand it over.” Adeline puts the duck call in Caleb’s hands.

Caleb proceeds to play the duck call for a solid six minutes.

Three minutes in, Jodie walks over, picks up her head and puts it back on her body, as the universe has now been restored to a state of normalcy.)

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"Daddy, I will replenish your candy supply, but you have to savor it this time."

- ~ Adeline to Caleb
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(Caleb, Jodie and Adeline are watching the morning news together.)

Adeline: Know what would be cool? (Weirdly long pause, in which Caleb and Jodie look at her expectantly, eyebrows raised. When it become apparent, Adeline is not going to answer her own question without verbal prompting …)

Jodie: What?

Adeline: A room full of mattresses. (pause) It would be so comfortable.

Caleb: Actually, they do make rooms like that … they’re called padded rooms.

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(It is early morning on a Saturday. Jodie is sitting at the computer, in her usual fashion. Caleb ambles out of their bedroom.)


Caleb (singing): Match in the gas tank … boom boom.

Jodie: Are you living inside What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?

Caleb: I AM Gilbert Grape.

Jodie: All righty then.

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"Pheasy either attacked me, or was using my head as a perch."

- Adeline Morgetron (RE: Pheasy the chicken)
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(Adeline rushes in from outside after feeding the chickens.)

Adeline: Mom! I named ALL the chickens.

Jodie: How are you going to keep all 20 straight?

Adeline: Well the one with special markings all have special names. All of the white ones are named Todd.

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"Quit greeting the kimchi on Twitter."

- Xiola Morgetron
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"What would happen if a turkey buzzard came into the car with us?"

- Adeline Morgetron
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"Instead of dancing interpretively in the middle of this gas station, will you please pick a snack?"

- Jodie Morgetron to Adeline Morgetron in a gas station in Missouri
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(Xiola walks into Jodie and Caleb’s bedroom where Jodie is folding laundry.)

Xiola: Hey. Our entryway smells funny.

Jodie: What does it smell like?

Xiola: I don’t know. (beat) It just smells funny.

Jodie: Like it smells … bad?

Xiola: No. It smells funny, as in (she throws her head back and laughs maniacally).

(Jodie is so proud of Xiola’s incredible sarcasm that she immediately pulls out a six-foot solid-gold sarcasm trophy from under her bed, and awards Xiola the Award for Most Sarcastic Family Member—one of the highest honors a Morgetron can achieve.)

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Mr. and Mrs. Morgetron have been married for 12+ years and can’t imagine what it would feel like if the government or anyone for the matter told them that they weren’t allowed to get married. They are, after all, totally in love. They are, after all, best friends forever, and TRUE LOVES FOREVER!

The reason we’re reblogging this (this is the first thing we’ve ever reblogged) is because it is done in the style of Morgetron Family Theater and it covers a historic moment in human rights history. It represents an issue about which we are passionate. And, it’s a serious issue, but Courtney has made it readable and … funny.

courtneymilan:

For those of you who don’t want to read the transcript of the oral argument in Hollingsworth v. Perry, which is all of 82 pages long, or whose heads exploded when you tried to read it, I’ve written a helpful summary. It’s available below the jump.

This summary is still fairly long, but it’s shorter and I’ve worked to make things as accessible as possible to those without legal training.

As a result, there are some places where I might have oversimplified the legal argument. My summarizing might be partially colored by my personal viewpoints, but this is basically what happened, plus or minus the aliens eating children.

Read More

Source: courtneymilan
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(Jodie is driving Adeline home from the bank. It is a very hot June day in Nebraska. Jodie begins adjusting one of the vents so that the air will blow on her face. She is sweating profusely.)

Adeline: What are you doing?

Jodie:I’m adjusting this vent so that the air will blow on my face. (beat) I’m boiling alive.

Adeline: MOM! No you’re not! That’s a horrible description. I think if you were boiling alive, you wouldn’t just be calmly adjusting the vent. Boiling alive would be terrible.  (dramatic pause, then sadly)  Poor lobsters.